When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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