Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
