party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
