i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
