I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
