The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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