It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
