I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
