last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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