My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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