so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
