I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
