I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
