they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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