my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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