I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
