You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
