Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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