Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
