We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
