am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
