My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
