your room smells of hookers.
And success
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
