Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
