I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
