She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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