can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's never too late to be topless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
