Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
