There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
