Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
