I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
