I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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