I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
