If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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