dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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