When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
