My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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