she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
