I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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