Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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