She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
