It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I booty called her while she was in labor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
