I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
