I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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