i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
