But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I want to walk on stilts...naked
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
