How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
