why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
