my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
