She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
