Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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