You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
