Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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