Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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