I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
