her vagine was all disorganized.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
