dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
